Disobedience by Fear

After this, the word of the LORD came to Abram in a vision: "Do not be afraid, Abram. I am your shield, your very great reward. " Genesis 15:1

God heard the boy crying, and the angel of God called to Hagar from heaven and said to her, "What is the matter, Hagar? Do not be afraid; God has heard the boy crying as he lies there." Genesis 21:17

That night the LORD appeared to him and said, "I am the God of your father Abraham. Do not be afraid, for I am with you...." Genesis 26:24

"Why are you afraid, O you of little faith?" Matthew 8:26

This is sufficient for my point, but additionally you can type in "Do not be afraid" in BibleGateway.com; I stopped counting at 20 the number of times God directly says "Do not be afraid" and I only got through Deuteronomy.  

Today is my last first day as a college student. It's pretty exciting, though I feel like I've just started to get the hang of college and now I'm almost done? Being comfortable with something probably means I've been there long enough to learn what I needed to.  I've been thinking seriously for a while now about what to do after school, and it's caused not a few nervous breakdowns.  But I've settled that I am going to not be afraid anymore. You know why? Cell division. Let me explain. So I am insane. I am insane because most of the time I believe two things that are not true, namely that I am very smart and that God is very stupid. So cell division is what reminds me of the way things really are. That I am in fact very very very close to nothing, and he is very very very much everything. I am very much created, He is very much Creator.  He knows everything. He understands everything. He plans everything. His view is all encompassing. Mine is finite and miniscule! It could take me 7 days to design a single cross section of a roadway with material that ALREADY EXISTS. (Not to mention 4 years of school to prepare for that design!) And it took him 7 days to create from nothing the whole known universe (any sort of decent understanding of which has taken us thousands of years to develop). This is all very offensive. Ooooo have I ever hated hearing things like that! but I think it is only offensive if these facts are separated from the fact that God passionately, relentlessly, and sacrificially loves me. That is, if these truths which might seem to show that I am worthless are seen in light of Calvary, then I see that I am in fact not worthless but rather worth very much to Him.  So though He is infinitely better than I,  He loves and cherishes me infinitely. This is incredibly comforting! "You mean you know that I know basically nothing and watch me act like a know a lot and make false judgements constantly and yet you still find me valuable?! How could you be that good?" says my heart to this God-too-good-to-be-true!  

I have very limited power to control the future. Plus I don't even know what I need sometimes.  I think I need a day off, then I get it and I still feel restless. I think I need a donut, but I never need a donut.  God has unlimited power to control the future. He also knows what I actually need.  God is way smarter than me which I can see from meiosis and mitosis. He commands "Do not fear." It is silly and sinful to not believe Him when He says that no mind including my own "has conceived what [He] has prepared for those who love Him" (implication: it is very very good). So, don't be silly. Trust!

And you will know the truth, and the truth shall set you free...  John 8:32